I have some catching up to do ...

Wow, it's been so long since I've updated my blog. I'll start off with my sister passed away last week - she was 44 years old, only one year older than me, and we were very close. She has had significant health problems for most of her adult life, but she was suffering with so much more lately. Phyllis was bipolar and she struggled with that just about every day since her teens. Of course, she wasn't diagnosed until later on in life, but it was known there was something serious there. She also suffered from degenerative and arthritic conditions involving her spine, like me, and just in the last few months had been diagnosed with Myasthenia gravis, that had left her two steps from a wheelchair and in constant severe pain. Four days before she passed away she was admitted to the hospital with a 5-6 inch blood clot, diagnosed with deep vein thrombosis, given blood thinners, and released after a few days with a prescription for the blood thinner. Since her release from the hospital, however, she had been extremely dizzy and faint, her speech severely slurred (she had slurred speech before which is an effect of the MG, but it was so much worse), and had an appointment with the doctor about it the morning of her death. We believe the blood thinners and her narcotic pain medication, which had just been increased with the MG diagnosis, interacted negatively somehow, or it could have been directly from the blood clot. Autopsy results will not be received for several months.

So with today being Christmas of course I'm feeling a little blue - knowing I'll never be able to tell Phyllis Merry Christmas again, or hug her or tell her I love her. I feel guilty because Phyllis always wanted to talk, and I always put talking to her off because I was too caught up in my own little world than to take a few minutes just to talk to her - what I wouldn't give for another 2 minutes to tell her how much she is loved. I've been thinking about a time when Phyllis was happiest, and anyone who knows our history knows there wouldn't be too many of those times, but I do remember Phyllis being happy, and her beautiful smile that lit up the room. Phyllis was so smart, and I loved talking to her about anything and everything (I wish I had have taken the time lately to have those conversations). Phyllis was always my protector. She knew me better than anyone - ever. I loved her so much. I wish so desperately I could tell her that right now. I am thankful, though, that she is no longer suffering.